The 3M’s – How You Influence Your Child’s Learning

Kindergarten teachers know, they know which children will be easy to teach and which children will be difficult to teach because they will struggle to learn. It has nothing to do with how intelligent a child is, or whether they know how to write their names. If a child’s appears ready to learn, eager to try new things, willing to be taught, chances are that he or she will have a good year, a year in which they learn all they capable of learning.

How do teachers know this?

Almost as soon as a child enters a classroom the teacher is noticing how he or she reacts to the new environment. Is the child curious? Does he look round the room to see what it contains? Is she confident enough to leave her mother’s side? Does he try to get on with the other children in the room or does he ignore them and do what he wants to do? Does she know how to sit in a group, or is she not ready to be part of the class? Is he tired and grumpy, or rested and happy to be there?

These are the signs a teacher looks for. These are the signs that let the teacher know whether the child is ready to learn.

When a child is ready to learn the teacher can start teaching the things he or she needs to learn. Things like reading and writing, counting, colors, days of the week and months of the year. All the basic things children need to start to understand. But if a child is not ready to learn the teacher has to spend time helping the child be ready. She has to help him or her learn how to listen, sit in a group, share, take turns and respond to questions. This is can be hard work, especially when the teacher has many children in the class. Most teachers are very good at doing this, but it takes time away from teaching other things, it slows down a child’s learning.

It is important for children to be ready to learn so that they can benefit from what the teacher offers.

Parents help children get ready to learn, they make the difference between children who can and cannot benefit from all the teacher offers. They influence their child’s readiness to learn.

Parents influence their children’s learning in three ways. I call them the ‘3M’s┑.

The first ‘M’ is Modeling.

You are being watched!

Children love you and want to be like you. They watch you do and try to do what you do. What they see you doing has much more influence on their actions than what you tell them to do. You must have heard the saying, “Do what I say, not what I do”? You have probably used it yourself on many occasions. I am sure it was invented by a parent who became exasperated when a child copied the actions of the parent rather than doing the right thing!

The school in which I used to teach was on a busy city road, trucks, buses and cars would hurtle along it and some would even run the lights. It was a very dangerous road and we made sure that all the children knew how to cross it safely. Despite all our careful teaching and warnings of danger, some children would run across the road dodging traffic.

Why did they do this? Because that is what their parents did. Some parents, in a hurry to get home after picking up their child from school, would rush across the road ignoring basic rules of safely. If parents could do this the children felt that they could do it too. What the parent did was much more influential than all the words of warning, the ‘Do as I say’ that had come from the teachers.

Modeling is the most important way you influence your child’s behavior. You can’t stop being a model for your child, you are being a model to your child whenever you are together. Just think, whatever you say and do when your child can see or hear you is influencing your child’s behavior, is influencing how well your child learns.

The example above shows how poor behavior on your part creates your poor behavior in your child. But the opposite is just as true. When your child sees you behaving in ways that demonstrate good behavior your child will try to behave well too.

So, before you try to tell your child how to behave, check on what you do. Are you sending the right message?

The second ‘M’ is for Mentoring.

By Mentoring I mean sharing your knowledge and experiences with your child. Every parent has a wealth of information that they can share with tier child, information that will help them develop new skills and understand their place in the world. By sharing this information, by mentoring your child and helping them learn from you, you are giving your child a wonderful start to their learning and their life.

When I was a student I had very little money, just like every other student. I wanted to travel to Spain for the summer but I did not have the cash for the bus and the ferry. (There was no way I was going to have enough money to fly to Spain). Fortunately my mother had taught me how to knit and to crochet. She has shared her skills with me and mentored me as I struggled to learn how to make the yarn do what I wanted it to do. Now, when I needed extra money, I was able to use this skill. I knitted skirts, the kind of skirts that I liked to wear, and sold them to a local store. I did not make a fortune but I did make enough money to buy a bus fare to Spain. And I had a wonderful summer!

If my mother had not shared her skills with me I would have been unable to earn the money I needed.

My father also taught me how to change the tire on a motor bike but I never did that for cash!

You have gathered a wealth of skills and experiences in your lifetime, skills and knowledge that can benefit your child. Share your knowledge, you have much to help your child learn, help your child’s life be as rich as your own.

The third ‘M’ is for Mediate.

To mediate means to act as the bridge between two things, the way for two things to come together. You need to mediate between your child and the world around him. You need to be the bridge that allows your child to make sense of the world.

Children know very little. They have had few life experiences and the world can seem like scary place. You need to help them understand what they are seeing and hearing. You need to help them make sense of their world. If you don’t do it someone else will and you might not like what they say and do.

The best way to act as a mediator is to listen to, and try to answer, your child’s questions. All children have questions. Only when a child knows that he will never get answers does he stop asking questions. Don’t let your child be like this. Don’t miss the wonderful opportunities you have to help your child understand his world.

No parent has a ready answer to every question their child asks them. And your child does not expect you to know everything. If you do not have an answer tell your child, and then tell him how you can try to find the answer. You both might learn something!

Remember the 3’M’s – Model, Mentor, Mediate.

Try to be a good model, so that your child will be good.

Take time to mentor your child, so that she benefits from your wealth of knowledge.

Be a bridge, a mediator, and help your child understand the world.

Then celebrate your success!