Most Watched Mediation Clip on YouTube

In this scene from the movie Wedding Crahsers we see Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as co-mediators in the middle of a divorce mediation. It is an incredibly funny scene and actually very illustrative of what mediators do. They are attempting to establish a consensus between two warring spouses, flanked by their divorce attorneys.

Mediators apply specific skills in their interventions that are based on a principle of neutrality. Their interventions are primarily aimed at processes of conflict resolution and negotiation and can be described as ‘meta-communication’. But as the clip from Wedding Crashers shows, the attitude of a mediator is very closely linked to his or her personal communication-style and professional training.

Mediators are a new breed of professionals. They come from different backgrounds and disciplines and each brings his or her unique personality and attitude to the table. Is it even possible to be ‘neutral’? In this clip we see two desperate mediators, struggling to find mutual ground for the soon to be ex-spouses. They finally succeed by recalling the memories of the wedding. Owen Wilson’s character: “Hold it, this is getting confusing. You didn’t always hate each other, there must have been some nice moments during the courtship, maybe, or the wedding…”

This is hardly a neutral thing to say, since it is aimed directly at the attitude and emotions of both parties. What makes it a legitimate mediation-intervention is actually that by saying this, he actually shifts the focus of the discussion away from the painful issues and onto the (original) relationship between the parties. This allows him interrupt the escalating discussion and normalize the communication.

Another example is Vince Vaughn’s opening statement, in which he stresses the urgency of negotiation and open communication:

Lawyer (to client): “I told you this was a bad idea…”

Mediator (Vince Vaughn): “You know what, Ken, what would be a bad idea is let your client walk out of here today and drag this thing out for another year, wasting more time and wasting more money. The only good idea is to let me and John do our job and mediate this thing right here.”

Being neutral is not just about being evenhanded, it is also about being neutral towards the end results of a certain mediation, but isn’t a mediator supposed to help you solve the conflict? As the clip shows, being neutral is easier said than done, which makes the effort of independent and professional mediators all the more impressive.

To watch this clip, simply type ‘mediation’ into the YouTube-browser!