10 Considerations For Mediation and Conflict Resolution

The moment you put two or more people in one space, conflict comes up. The reason is that each person has a unique way of seeing and processing things. At the point of realizing differences of opinion, intolerance of any opposing mindset can kick in resulting in either people distancing from each other or worse still stepping on each other’s toe. When the individuals come to loggerheads, there is need for a neutral party to help bring the two or more to an amicable resolve. This person is the mediator. They can be in the form of a boss mediating between conflicting subordinates or someone from a totally different environment coming with a fresh view on issues. Conflict exists in varying proportions and types starting with individual to individual, to organization, to nations etc. I have presided over family conflicts and employee squabbles enough times to warrant me sharing my experiences and considerations with you.

Considerations:

1. Mediation will certainly cost you, count the cost – There is definitely an investment you put into the mediation process which you need to know of in advance. Your own resources will be spent in the process. Your time and space will be occupied by the need to bring the matters to a resolve. If you are not prepared to invest, you rather let go of the opportunity given. Mediation takes time and patience – Some conflict can take years to resolve. In the Middle East, conflict has been there for decades. If you are to successfully mediate, you need to realise that the virtue called patience is necessary.

2. Emotional stamina and mental balance are important – Are you able to mediate without bias towards one side where you have emotional attachment. A mediator must be neutral meaning that there is no taking sides but looking at the issues objectively. You may need to disclose your interests ahead of the mediation or find a more suitable candidate. You cannot preside over the fight between your employee and your wife because from the onset you have taken sides even if you want people not to believe so.

3. Mediator needs capacity and experience to handle the issue – Have you resolved conflict before? Of what nature? Never attempt to take chances against a lion when you failed to kill a wild cat. You can easily worsen the conflict when you then have to abort the process because you now realize “it is beyond you”. Once you decide to take it on, do it all the way. Use your experiences from the past and how others have done it before to make your contribution effective.

4. Gather all the background information necessary – Before you can mediate effectively, gather all the facts and figures. Hear both sides of the story and then bring the stories into one place so that you verify the authenticity of the allegations and counter allegations. Without adequate information, your judgment will be impaired. Your contribution will be of no value to the issue at hand.

5. Confidentiality is important – A lot happens when there is conflict. Both sides refuse to take blame for the mudslinging. They both feel justified in their smear campaigns. As you mediate there is information that is supposed to be kept secret and not publicized. If two employees are fighting, you cannot make this an agenda for the next company meeting. Keep conflict resolution information separate from your daily activities.

6. Suggest and not impose your weight – Your role is to ensure that the two sides do listen to each other. At the end of it all you make possible suggestions which call for both sides to make compromises so that they meet somewhere in the middle. As long as you tell them what to do your views will be regarded as biased even if there is not direct show of support for one side. Your impositions will not be assimilated as much as suggestions. The resolution comes from the conflicting parties though your wisdom guides the process.

7. You need the respect of conflicting members – The mediator is a voice that either side of the divide can listen to. If the mediator says “X please gives Y a chance to speak” then X has to comply because he/she respects the facilitation of order by mediator. You earn respect from them by how you conduct yourself on the first day. When you lose respect, forget that you could bring amicable balance. Walls come up in each of the conflicting members each time you ask to speak. Earn their respect and keep it.

8. Allow people to agree to disagree where compromise cannot be reached – If after long deliberations and discussions, you may realize that the conflicting elements or individuals cannot co-exist. You may have to live with the fact that certain individuals are incompatible and hence they can live separately from each other. The bicep and tricep muscles exist on the same arm forever even though they are opposing each other at all times. When one contracts the other relaxes and vice versa. However tasks are accomplished in this conflict state.

9. Record all commitments – The tragedy with most mediation processes is that commitments are left as verbal as possible even though trust has been lost in the past over broken promises. Mediators have to ensure that whatever the resolutions are, they are recorded both in audio and written format. Documents and tapes are legal evidence of the mediation and agreements thereto. All your efforts can easily be lost when left to each individual to remember their own commitments. When the writing is done, let both sides sign documents and each one goes away with a copy of the agreement.

10. Let there be separation of the issue from the individuals – It is easy for people to deviate for months on end attacking or undressing the person as opposed to focusing on the issue at hand. The members involved in the conflict may need to be reasonably separate from each other to avoid possibilities of physical “justice”. Remember you need to have all sides talk issues through and agree on an amicable way forward.